爱华网系列专题：《点亮生活的智慧：人生之钥》
I was reminded of a man I knew, whose childhood had been overshadowed by the fact that, aged eight, he had been dispatched to relatives in the country, while his mother underwent treatment for cancer. To spare the boy, nothing was said about the cause for his removal. He suffered through many weeks, assuming that he must have done something terrible to forfeit the right to his home and to his parents’ love. Even after he grew up and got his facts straight, the feeling of rejection persisted. It’s staggering to think that, even as we speak, countless lives and relationships are being ruined by virulent, destructive feelings generated by pure misconceptions. If only everyone ensured that they were properly informed before allowing a feeling to take root, the world wouldn’t be full of fools barking up the wrong tree! The door-bell rang. A friend walked in, pale and shattered. Dark rings under red-rimmed eyes, lips quivering from restrained emotion. “She’s left me,” he whispered, as if expecting the words to hurt. “After fourteen years of an ideal marriage, she’s upped and left me.” I couldn’t help thinking of his wife telling me in confidence that the marriage, to her, was a prison: a locked cell, stifling and restrictive; no access to daylight or fresh air. “I shall have to break out,” she had stated calmly, “or else go under.”
“I love her,” he said brokenly. “Since the day we met, I’ve only lived for her. My life was dedicated to her welfare. Without her, I have nothing.” It crossed my mind that this degree of spousal devotion seems to come more naturally to men. I wonder if it stems from an unconscious hankering back to the blessed state of infancy, when all their require-ments were filled by a bountiful madonna, who asked for nothing but submission in return. “Could it be,” I ventured carefully, in an attempt to help, if not comfort, “that your relationship has been based on your needs more than hers?”
