爱华网ByKubler-Ross
Griefis a somewhat commplicated andmisunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately,we must all experience at some time or other. We will allinevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death,divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are thesame.
There are fivestages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or the other, theprocess of grieving is not complete, and cannot be complete. Thusthere will be no healing. A person MUST go through the five stagesto be well again, to heal. Not everyone goes through the stages atthe same time. It is different for each person. You cannot force aperson through the stages, they have to go at their own pace, andyou may go one step forward then take two steps backward, but thisis all part of the process, and individual to each person. But, asstressed, ALL five stages must be completed for healing tooccur.
The five stages ofgrief are:
1Denial
"This can't behappening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places,or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as ifthey are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or evenacknowledging the loss.
2Anger
"Why me?",feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse ofdivorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them forleaving.
3Bargaining
Bargaining oftentakes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with thespouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stopor change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to comeback.
4Depression
Overwhelmingfeelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity,mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans forthe future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feelingsuicidal.
5Acceptance
There is adifference between resignation and acceptance. You have to acceptthe loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that ittakes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the personis gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leaveyou on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceasedperson, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good thatcan come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Ourgoals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories ofperson.
Get help. You willsurvive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, justknow that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It provesthat we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have tobecome stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hopeof one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again.Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderfulway to fascilitate our healing and bring good out of somethingtragic.
