爱华网摘要：网络时代，随着面对面交流的减少，人们也忽略了闲聊对人际关系的重要作用。如何做一个善于闲聊的人呢?让我们向专家讨教一下闲聊的学问吧。
You are an intelligent and articulate person. You have no problem giving a lucid presentation, delivering an eloquent speech or participating in a political debate. You strive for meaningful conversations and have no patience whatsoever for small talk. “The weather is nice, isn’t it?” Really, who cares?
你聪明机灵，口齿伶俐。给出清晰的报告、发表滔滔不绝的演讲、参加政治辩论，你无所不能。你在这些有意义的语言会话上花费心思，却对闲聊嗤之以鼻。“今天天气不错，是吧?”说实在的，谁关心呢?
eloquent
[英]ˈeləkwənt [美]ˈɛləkwənt
adj.
雄辩的，有口才的;有说明力的;
富于表情的，逼真的;动人的
你真的会聊天吗Although seemingly trivial and superficial, small talk is the starting point of all relationships. Romances and friendships begin with small talk. In a more pragmatic light, you can’t avoid it. Getting a job, working with colleagues, winning new clients — all of it requires small talk.
虽然看似琐碎肤浅，但闲聊却是建立一切关系的切入点。爱情和友谊都始于闲聊。更实际一点考虑的话，你不可能避免闲聊。求职、与同事共事、攻下新客户，这些都离不开闲聊。
trivial
[英]'trɪvɪəl [美]ˈtrɪviəl
adj.
琐碎的，无价值的;
平常的，平凡的;不重要的;[生]种的
Americans call it the “Gift of Gab”. Want to be successful? You’d better acquire this gift.
美国人称之为“能说会道”。你想成功?那么你最好具备这项口才。
An article on the Forbes website lists a few reasons why small talk is so important for one’s career. Not only does small talk make us more likeable; in one’s career, small talk is also a “free option”.
为了说明闲聊对于个人事业的重要性，《福布斯》网站上的一篇文章给出了一系列解释。闲聊不仅能让我们更讨人喜欢，对于个人事业而言，闲聊也是一种“免费期权”。
It can lead to a host of outcomes, from a merely pleasant exchange to the signing of a multimillion dollar business deal, says the article.
文章中指出，闲聊能产生一系列的效果，有时不仅仅是一场愉快的交流，甚至还可以达成数百万美元的交易。
In a time where a big part of our lives has moved online, the art of small talk is elusive and mysterious. The awkward experience of feeling like a total outsider at a social function, such as a company event or a dinner party, is shared by many of us.
在这个生活逐步网络化的时代，闲聊的艺术不可思议又难以捉摸。我们中的很多人都曾有过在公司活动、宴会等社交场合中上化身“局外人”的尴尬经历。
But don’t worry, says Elizabeth Bernstein, a relationship columnist at The Wall Street Journal, you can learn to develop your conversational intelligence.
但是别担心，《华尔街日报》两性关系专栏作家伊丽莎白•伯恩斯坦表示，你可以学会去开发自己的口才。
columnist
[英]ˈkɒləmnɪst [美]ˈkɑləmnɪst, -əmɪst
n. 专栏作家
First of all, remember small talk is not about communicating, it’s about connecting. Bernstein advises to focus on the other person.
首先，要记住闲聊并不是为了沟通交流，而是与对方建立联系。伯恩斯坦建议应该去关注对方。
Bad small talkers tend to dominate the conversation. They spend too much time on their favorite topic, whether it’s football or how clever their kids are.
不擅长闲聊的人往往想要在谈话中占据主动。他们花费过多的时间来谈论喜欢的话题，无论是讨论足球还是夸奖他们的孩子有多么聪颖过人。
They think they are being social because they are talking. But they are talking to somebody, not with someone. Such people often give the impression of being self-centered and inconsiderate.
他们认为滔滔不绝就代表善于交际。但是他们说话的对象是些重要人物，而并非普通人。这样的人通常会给人留下以自我为中心、不替他人着想的印象。
吸引女人的13个聊天小诀窍1. You should talk about “emotional” topics like childhood memories, future ambitions, or her passions. These conversation topics will open up her emotional floodgates.
你应该谈论和“情感”有关的话题，如童年回忆、未来志向、或者她的爱好。这样的话题能够打开她情绪的闸门。
2. Women want a guy who is not afraid to lead her. While talking to a woman take control of the conversation. Never wait for her to dictate what you’ll be talking about.
女人们喜欢有能力掌控她的男人。跟女人谈话时要掌控话题。不要等着她告诉你谈论什么。
3. Pay attention to the non-verbal cues a woman is giving you. If you’re standing too close to her, accidentally spitting when you talk, or making her feel uncomfortable in any way… she will send you hints. Pay attention to them.
注意女人给你的非语言提示。如果你站得离她很近，说话时唾沫星横飞，或是让她在其他方面感到不自在，她会给你暗示，要注意这些提示。
4. Remember this motto “Fun not Funny.” Women are attracted to men who allow them to have fun. Don’t concentrate on having the funniest jokes. Concentrate on showing them the most excitement and enjoyment.
记住这条箴言：“幽默但不滑稽。”女人会被让她们开心的男人吸引。不要只想着说最搞笑的笑话，要多花花心思向她们展现最令人兴奋最有乐趣的事物。
5. Tease women. One of the easiest ways to take a conversation to a fun and flirty level is to begin to tease women. Think back to your time on the playground. In the world of dating… what worked on the playground is effective all over again.
挑逗她。要让对话变得暧昧有趣，最简单的方法就是跟女士们调调情。回想一下当初在学校操场上是如何和女生玩的。当时吸引女生的方法现在在约会时也完全适用。
6. Get intimate with her. Women are turned on by men who are not afraid to take a conversation to a personal, intimate level.
聊聊私密的话题。女人会被敢于让对话上升到个人的私密层面的男人吸引。
7. Use things like “cold reads” to turn women on. Women love to hear opinions about themselves. Tell her what you observe about her.
用“冷读术”推测她们的心理来吸引女性。女人喜欢听别人对她们的评价。告诉她你眼中的她是什么样的。
8. Avoid complimenting a woman too much. Women are turned off by men who come across as “needy.” If you are complimenting a woman too much she will think you’re trying to impress her. Which will have the opposite effect.
不要过度恭维女人。看起来“饥不择食”的男人会让女人大倒胃口。过度的恭维女人会让她觉得你在想方设法吸引她的注意力，效果只会适得其反。
9. If you want to know how to talk to women in a way that doesn’t bore them… Avoid asking too many “interview” style questions. Instead state your opinion about things.
如果你想知道要怎样跟女人说话才能让她们觉得不无聊，要避免问过多的“采访”式问题，而是陈述你对事物的意见。
10. Remember: Statements over questions. Instead of saying “where did you grow up?” Say “You don’t look like you grew up around here.” This allows you to make observations about her and express your personality.
记住：陈述多于提问。比起问“你在哪里长大?”来，说“你看起来不像是在这块地方长大的。”会更好。这样你既可以对她做出评价，也可以展现你的个性。
11. Don’t hide your identity. Don’t be afraid to talk about whatever you’re passionate about.
不要隐藏自己的个性。别担心，大胆谈论任何你喜欢的事物。
12. Use conversation “games” to keep the mood fun and flirtatious. Games can be anything like “truth or dare” or to less extreme games like the “5 questions game”.
做点对话“游戏”让气氛变得暧昧有趣。游戏可以是“真心话大冒险”，也可以是不那么极端的游戏，如两人间的点名游戏。
13. Don’t give away your hand so fast. Women like men who are a challenge. If you want to keep a woman’s interest she has to feel like she is slowly winning you over. If she thinks you’re too easy… she’ll lose interest.
保持神秘感。女人喜欢有挑战性的男人。如果你想让女人保持对你的兴趣，你要让她觉得她需要慢慢赢得你的欢心。如果她认为你太好到手了…她就不会对你有兴趣了。
The best way to think about how to talk to women is to think about what kind of fun, playful, and sexual conversation you would most enjoy. Talking to a woman doesn’t have to be difficult. You just need to be aware of what they are turned on by and what turns them off. Follow the list above and you’ll do just fine.
和女人谈话最好的方式，就是找一些有趣、好玩、涉及性的谈话。和女人谈话未必有那么困难。你只要知道她们对什么话题有兴趣、对什么话题没有兴趣就可以了。放心照着上面的做就好了。
