爱华网下面是小编整理的英文爆笑笑话， 希望大家会喜欢。
英文爆笑笑话一：What are the Two Words?A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’. Would you promise me that?
Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?
一个非常和蔼的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。我亲爱的，老夫人说，我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词，一个是“讨厌的”，另一个是“极好的”。你能答应我吗?
噢，当然，奶奶。女孩说：是哪两个词?
英文爆笑笑话二：奇猜异想Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.
One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked ! I'm naked!"
我们的物理教授千方百计引导我们讨论阿基米德的排水原理。他告诉我们阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡，他进入池子，发现水涨高了，溢出池沿。他对这一发现十分激动，跑到街上高叫：“Eureka，Eureka!”教授问我们谁知道他喊的是什么意思。
一个学生站起来答道：“我光屁股啦，我光屁股啦!”
英文爆笑笑话三：The Doctor Knows BetterA man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”
医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”
听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”
妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”
英文爆笑笑话四：A Smart Parrot 聪明的鹦鹉
A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.
"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.
"I fall off my perch2 you fool!!" screeches3 the parrot.
有个人去宠物店买鹦鹉。在那里，他看见有只鹦鹉的左腿被红线系住，右腿则被绿线系住。对此他感到不解，于是他问该店的老板，老板回答说：“这只鹦鹉受过特殊的训练。如果拉红线，它就讲法语，拉绿线，它则讲德语。”
这个好奇的人接着问，“要是我两条线都拉，会怎么样呢?”
“我就会掉下来了，你这个傻瓜!!”鹦鹉尖叫着说。
英文爆笑笑话五：Not so fast 别那么急嘛A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala(欢庆的) charity event was taking place.
Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.
"Great idea!" the chicken cried."Let's offer hem1 ham and eggs?"
"Not so fast," said the pig testily2. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."
一只猪和一只鸡路过一所教堂，那里有一场盛大慈善活动正在进行着。
在精神上收到触动的猪向小鸡提出建议：他们每个人作出点自己的贡献。
“好主意!”鸡尖叫道，“让我们给腿和鸡蛋吧?”
“着什么急”猪不耐烦地说，“对你来说，是一个贡献，对我来说，这是一个完全的献身。”
