爱华网下面是小编整理的经典爆笑英语笑话，欢迎大家阅读!
经典爆笑英语笑话：Simon was an inveterate fisherman, well known for exaggerating the size of the one that got away. But there came a day when he actually caught two enormous flounders. He immediately invited a few friends over to dine, then tried to figure out how best to serve the fish. If I use both, he told his wife, it will seem ostentatious.
Why not serve a piece of each? she suggested.
No, if I cut them up, nobody will believe I caught two giant flounders. Simon racked his brain. Then he had an idea.
The guests were seated at the table when their host strode in with a platter, holding the biggest flounder they'd ever seen. Suddenly Simon stumbled and fell. Everyone cried out in dismay as the fish crashed to the floor, but Simon quickly brushed himself off.
Dear, he called out to his wife, bring in the other flounder!
西蒙是个老练的渔夫。人们都熟知他爱吹嘘跑掉的那条鱼的尺寸。但有一天他确实抓了两条极大的比目鱼。他立刻邀请几个朋友过来吃饭，然后着力搞清楚怎样上鱼。如果两条一起上，他对妻子说，好像有点炫耀之嫌了。
何不两条鱼各上一块呢?他妻子建议道。
不行，如果把两条鱼都切碎了，就不会有人相信我抓了两条大比目鱼了。西蒙绞尽了脑汁，终于想出了一个好办法。
客人已在餐桌边就座完毕，这时主人大步地走进来，手里端着一个托盘，托盘上是一个他们所见过的最大的比目鱼。突然西蒙被什么东西绊了一下摔倒了。所有的人都惊慌地叫了起来，因为鱼在地板上摔得粉碎。但是西蒙迅速地摆脱了窘境。
亲爱的，他对妻子喊道，把另一条鱼端上来!
经典爆笑英语笑话：Alexander the GreatLandon had made an unsuccessful attempt at the recitation，and the doctor，somewhat nettled，said：Landon，you don't seem to be getting on very fast in this subject.You seem to lack ambition.Why，at your age Alexander the Great had conquered half the world.
Yes， said Landon，he couldn't help it，for you will recall the fact，doctor，that Alexander the Great had Aristotle for a teacher.
亚历山大大帝
兰登作了一次不成功的朗诵。老师有点不悦，对他说道：
兰登，你在这门课上好像进步不大，你好像缺乏志向。亚历山大大帝在你这个年龄可已经征服了半个世界。
是啊，兰登说，他没法不那样。博士先生，您回想一下史实，亚历山大大帝有亚里士多德做他的老师。
经典爆笑英语笑话：Impudent QuestionsA little girl from the East Side was invited to a garden party given by a very aristocratic lady to a group of little East-Siders.
The little girl, as she drank her tea and ate her plum-cake on a velvet lawn under a white-blooming cherry tree, said to her hostess:
Does your husband drink?
Why-er-no, not to excess, was the astonished reply.
How much does he make?
He doesn't work, said the lady. He is a capitalist.
You keep out of debt, I hope?
Of course, child. What on earth do you mean by all these impudent questions?
Impudent? said the little girl. Why, Ma'am, Mother told me to be sure and behave like a lady, and when ladies call at our rooms they always question Mother like that.
无礼的问题
一个住在城东贫民区的小女孩获得邀请，参加一位贵妇人为城东贫民区的孩子们举行的花园晚会。
在一棵开满了白色小花儿的樱桃树下，小女孩坐在柔软的草地上，一边品尝着她的茶和梅子蛋糕，一边对贵妇人说：你的丈夫酗酒吗? 呃，呃，不，他喝得不多。夫人一脸惊诧。
他挣多少钱?
他不工作，夫人回答说，他是个资本家。
我希望你们没有负债吧?
当然没有，孩子。你问这么些无礼的问题到底是想说什么呢?
无礼?小女孩说，怎么会呢，夫人?妈妈要我的举止一定要象夫人们一样，当她们到我们家做客的时候，她们总是那样问我妈妈的。
经典爆笑英语笑话：Be Much WorsePoliceman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
可能更糟
警察：当你的手表被抢的时候，你为什么不大声喊叫呢?
男士：如果我张嘴喊叫，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那样情况就更糟了!经典爆笑英语笑话：什么叫叛徒?
Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics?” Father(a veteran politician)：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.” Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?” Father：“A convert，my son.”
有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫政治叛徒?” 父亲(一位老资格的政治家)：“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。” 有希望的青年人：“那么，离开他的党而加入到我们党的人又叫什么呢?” 父亲：“叫改变信仰者。我的儿子。”
经典爆笑英语笑话：马克·吐温On one occasion when Mark Twain arrived in London from New York，the Star thought the fact worth recording onits evening placard.But there was another piece of news to bementioned：it was about the Ascot Cup being stolen.Theplacard thus ran： MARK TWAIN ARRIVES. ASCOT CUP STOLEN. Mark Twain，we believe，never heard the last of it.
有一次，马克·吐温从纽约起程抵达伦敦访问，《星报》认为这个消息值得登在它的晚招贴上。但是，还有一条消息也要登上：关于爱斯科杯被盗的消息。招贴是这样写的： 马克·吐温 光临 爱斯科杯 被盗 我们相信，马克·吐温从来也没听说过这件事。
